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About this Journal
Hey Hey Hey

This is basically an open diary for me. A place for me to complain so you guys don't have to listen to me, a place for my imfamous flows, a place for me to tell of my "adventures", a place for me to say whats really on my mind, and a place where everyone can be updated in whats going on, even if I am half way around the world.
I love you all!
Johnny
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Jul. 5th, 2005 @ 12:50 am Wow...its been a while...
Current Mood: discontent
Current Music: On Fire by Switchfoot
So now that I am a bit solitary up in the 'kinfe, I thought I would start this thing up agian.

I am living in a one bedroom, 2 floor apartment with my best friend and i am working at the pool lifeguarding and instructing. Its different being here. Now that my family isn't really here its not really home. But my BF and other close pple make it feel like a second home. I guess I have changed...well moved on is more like it. As it came up one day....Yellowknife is like an old boyfriend. It was amazing at one time...and although you think it might be again...its over! Yeah...even seeing my ex and the guy I liked forever (yeah helping him w/ his breakup...from the perfect relationship apparently...whose now ex i know and work with..yeah its weird)
my old teachers, and all the people I used to hang out....its like its all been put into perspective.
I am looking forward to returing to school and it seems so far away. I can't wait to be a facil for frosh week!!! My group has already started plotting and getting to know eachother. I made it back into my program so I am excited aboout that...now my career plan can stay somewhat intact. I also can't wait to see my parents. We both fly into Ed. on the same day and i am already excited!! I only really get to see them for about a week altogether b/c I am going to TO. to visit B. I can't wait to see her! I miss her so much...and that goes out to all my Tootsies.
Well...off to bed for me....another night shift is coming...ugh,,,,

I miss everyone so much.

Johnny
About this Entry
Apr. 13th, 2005 @ 04:49 pm (no subject)
Hey

So lots has happened. I hate where I am right now. Nothing seems to be going well. The summer is going to suck, I'm getting kicked out of mcomm, my exams are bad, and I am broke! Yay. Anyways, me and tri are hoping to hop to mike on friday if there is an open mic.

Heres a good song tri showed me...we are trying to learn it, but its too hard right now....

Walk Away Lyrics

Ben Harper

Oh no- here comes that sun again.
And (that) means another day without you my friend.
And it hurts me to look into the mirror at myself.
And it hurts even more to have to be with somebody else.

And it's so hard to do and so easy to say.
But sometimes - sometimes,
you just have to walk away - walk away.

With so many people to love in my life, why do I worry about one?
But you put the happy in my ness, you put the good times into my fun.

And it's so hard to do and so easy to say.
But sometimes - sometimes,
you just have to walk away - walk away and head for the door.

We've tried the goodbye so many days.
We walk in the same direction so that we could never stray.
They say if you love somebody than you have got to set them free,
but I would rather be locked to you than live in this pain and misery.
They say time will make all this go away,
but it's time that has taken my tomorrows and turned them into yesterdays.
And once again that rising sun is droppin' on down
And once again, you my friend, are nowhere to be found.

And it's so hard to do and so easy to say.
But sometimes, sometimes you just have to walk away, walk away and head for the door.
You just walk away - walk away - walk away.
You just walk away, walk on, turn and head for the door.
About this Entry
Feb. 27th, 2005 @ 11:54 pm (no subject)
Home from Cuba...no more sun....sad day. Lots of homework, papers in every class plus a whole bunch of other shit. I hate school..."WELCOME HOME JOHNNY"
About this Entry
Feb. 17th, 2005 @ 05:23 pm JM
damn baby, you frustrate me
i know you're mine, all mine, all mine
but you look so good it hurts sometimes
About this Entry
Feb. 13th, 2005 @ 04:37 pm (no subject)
There was the something I was dying to say
no explination, no other way
I thought of all the reasons that you knew
so I approved them for us to review

Here in my bed I sat with nothing to give
praying that you would just forgive
all the answers and questions that I did not know
you thought it was all something I didn't want to show

I'm ashamed i want to hide my face
and you only wanted to embrace
I can't stand it when you see me this way
I wouldn't hang on if you didn't want to stay

I searched for what you wanted but I don't have it
and you said i just wouldn't admit
but here i lay in between your arms with only tears
showing my emotions, fears, and here it appears

so everytime we talk, just let me deal
after your questions, I'll try to explain what I feel
I'm not surprised by what you say anymore
i'll try to accept what you say, as before

Its me in the middle where no one else would stand
only here because I was pushed by you hand
and i can only have one of your hands, but even tho
I know that you won't let go
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Feb. 10th, 2005 @ 12:15 pm I've never been here before
Current Mood: confused
Current Music: This Photograph is Proof (I Know You Know)
I go thru phases of it being ok
But when its not you get angry
so I become afraid of your face
And when it is, you think
its too good to be true

so where is this posted?
in the back of my mind
i am so sick of being caught
in the middle of your past and present
just leave me a post-it when its erased

This is a sickness inside all neatly away
I just want the answer you keep asking for
but I don't have and this makes you unhappy
I can't find the way to say it
but even if I did, would my mouth would be mute

Its you, important, i will not change it
but change doens't mean destroy
i want this to be happiness in life form
but its one of those complicated things
the ones that people call life

I don't want this to go away
will there be a rainbow after the storm
No one knows, so sweetie stop asking
You know I know what i need to know
but if it were switched you wouldn't learn

Its all me and my acceptance
its okay, but I can't predict
I fear what will occur and I will shy
I might not be enough, even tho I try
you need her, and she you, thats the ok truth

The silence is pure silence believe me
When i have something to say, I'll scream it
but i am indecisive
its a flaw of mine, i told you
so just forget it, and fuck let it go

Draw a line for me to not to cross
but you keep scaring it with your thorns
I am trying to balance by taking the fall
and will you catch me, sure, yeah you will
About this Entry
Jan. 20th, 2005 @ 09:24 am shortish
Howdy



So I am home and back into the groove of things....well more or less. As you have probably heard me complaining about, I am sick. I hate it. So stay away!!!! We had some good times already! It was nice to see everyone again, and nice that everyone went out together and that we had a communal lunch! I love that, you guys know I do!!
So the Kegger. Amazing and fun. Chrissi's first one....where she and I met Jeff and Geoff.....Hee got "drunk"...yeah "drunk", and we all just had a good time. Theres lots of pics floating around make sure you see them all. Chrissi...kate still has our falling down pics...and I will send you J&G pic. So many memories in that house.
I also tagged along to Mark's staff party...I met lots of nice pple....but it was like "hmmmm he sold me underwear!..." and "he sold me a sweater"...it was interesting. I had a shot of disgusting scotch or something...never again. My dad used to make me try that stuff...you think i would have learned...OH NO.
I am sad to be back at the caf. Sandwich or stir fry...whoo hoo.... I did have a couple good meals....pasta and meatballs a la Mark, and then chicken and corn cup a soup ater the kegger. Well yeah

OH... QUESTION:

HOW DO YOU SPELL TOONIE/TWONIE???


Well, stella, if you see her, send her this way


Love. Peace. Always.
Johnny
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Jan. 8th, 2005 @ 03:51 am Lyrics??Songs?? Oh YEAH
So the Jan. 8th entries are the latest songs. There are a couple that I like, and the others are just blah. But yeah....songs, thought I would try it...anything to get out of reading!!!!
Chrissi and Tiff....you're writing the music!!!
Love you all
Johnny
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Jan. 8th, 2005 @ 03:43 am The Morning
Current Music: oh we oh we oh
this all untrue you're lying to me
defending yourself leaving me stripped
i don't understand and you can't make me see
i am me and thats all i have, its all you get

standing here i am unsure and lost
i look to you only to see emptiness
baby, pain is not worth the cost
devoid of my pride, thats all i get

so you say what you say to them all
trapping voice in silence once again
i thought you made me, but now i feel so small
insignificant is me? cast off to the side

was it all true? made your dreams closer
using us for her not me
fuck you i can see what is not spoken
small shaking, left, wounded, and walking

with the break of the morning you leave to go work
sadden and used you don't say goodbye
left all alone, i see you don't even hide
us i see, we are not in this together
About this Entry
Jan. 8th, 2005 @ 03:11 am School
Current Mood: curious
Current Music: what is that?
Sitting, working hard so I can play
you call me up and say "Hey baby hey"
"come on over and gimme a show"
but i say, no, oh no

getting closer to the finish line
you msn me an' write "honey your so fine"
"get over here so we can lay low"
but i say, no, oh no


chorus 1
I gotta stay focused, gotta stay on track
cuz universitys something that don't let you slack
i wanna come play, i wish this all went away
oh baby, I know that you know


Catching up is hard to do
you shout out "Hey sweetie, I need you"
"Over here, i want you nice an' slow"
but i say no, baby, no

The pile gets bigger everytime i blink
You confess "baby, you're making me sink"
"Come here now, come on you owe"
but, i scream NO, no no

chorus 2
cuz I gotta stay focused,I gotta just forego
i need to show the professors that I really know
i burn to come play, so just bear with me
oh baby, sometime you'll see

chorus 1
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Jan. 8th, 2005 @ 02:59 am Since Grade School
Current Mood: curious
Current Music: yeah another
looking back we were perfect
I looked at you and we became us
we've grown so much together
but I know we are drifting apart

You held my hand and you wrote me a poem
a dozen roses and then you proposed
now we're strangers walking side by side
and all of my love is playing seek and hide

chorus
oh were did it come from
where did it go
guide us my heart
show it the road
make it proudly known
make it return home

Now we talk on the phone
there's nothing to say
what has our distance made us
and I know I am falling apart

Now I grab your hand and I spill my heart
"Take it now, save us from falling aprat"
or just leave it be, and we can see
if we can still stay we

chorus x2
2.
oh where did it come from
where did it go
guide us my heart
show it the road
cuz we're stranded here
andI'm torn apart
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Jan. 8th, 2005 @ 02:29 am your girl
Current Mood: curious
Current Music: let me guess???
1.
You can't hold on
its just too good
is the feeling gone,
or are we just moving on?

You love me, but (you) hate us
fucking around,
is not my ideal fun

I fell hard, and you caught me
You feel hard, and I caught you
but somehow you just don't see

chorus:
(that) I am the girl
the one by your side
I am the girl
with nothing to hide
and I am your girl
the one in all your dreams

2
You come on over
with that look in your eyes
You want it all,
but then your run an' hide?

You bring me up, but I bring you down
shutting off?
babe, what happened to us?


I fell hard, and you caught me
You fell hard, and I caught you
take me off your list, and hold me

chorus

3.
don't throw it away
for old times sake
don't live in your past,
to regret out our future

how can you hurt me, evey other time?
caught up inside
but my heart ache won't hide


chorus

I fell hard, and landed on you
You fell hard, and you don't know what to do
oh baby, I'm here, here for only you

I am the girl
the one by your side
I am the girl
with nothing to hide
and I was the the girl
the one in all your dreams
cuz I was your girl
the one you told goodbye
About this Entry
Jan. 8th, 2005 @ 02:24 am Contained
Current Mood: curious
Current Music: hmmmm??
I think you
and i feel it right there
I look at you
and I just seem to stare
I reach out to touch you
and I (just) can't bare

show me, teach me, bite me, kiss me
praise me, rough me, see me, touch me
want me, claim me, tell me, love me

You talk to me
and I want to scream (really) loud
You show me off
and I feel really proud
You act out your feelings
and I'm always wowed

bling me, fuck me, wish me, kiss me
read me, hold me, lick me, touch me
guide me, cover me, keep me, love me
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Jan. 8th, 2005 @ 02:13 am IN TRANSIT
Current Mood: curious
Current Music: obvious?!!!!
1.
And here I stand, lonely with just me
oh I take some time to re-arrange us
but it always fails, and there I am with no one to hold

oh where did we go?
my soul doesn't know
as I walk my time,
it all fades away again



chorus:
sometimes i see her
the girl i used to be
sometimes i dream her
the girl i want to be

you make it all perfect
you make it all roses
but everytime i fall
you never catch me (in time)


2:
and here i stand, broken hearted again
oh i take some time, and replay memories
but it always fails, and there you are, on my mind (all the time/ again)

oh where did we go
my tears start to flow
as I fall apart
it (all) becomes so lost


chorus
sometimes i see her
the girl i used to be
sometimes i see her
the girl i want to be

bridge:
oh why is she not me
babe it used to be
oh why is she not me
baby it could be

you make it all perfect
you make it all roses
but everytime i fall
back in love with you
About this Entry
Jan. 6th, 2005 @ 12:23 pm Howsa?
Current Mood: okay
Current Music: you're so vain
In bed I awoke to the sun
in my heart pj's, the sheets undone
Straight for my baby I went fast
but realized i was cast

cast out by many things today
I should've adopted: come what may
no shopping just reading
with my nutella i was feeding

as the wind came up with out a sound
and it blew me down
no no just into the house
sneaking past, quiet as a mouse

the chairs were tossed
and all the leaves were lost
the golfers played on
although there was debris all over the lawn

on my balcony i sat content
but then there was water sent
down from the sky
just a little so i stayed dry

harder and harder it seemed to fall
"shut all the windows" i hear down the hall
crashing on my bed calm, my mind wandered
and then i pondered

sleep i cannot so i choose to go
in the chair downstairs, just so
i could read but then i slept
and then my book down it crept

awake again i hoped, but although
missed again and today a no
the day grows longer somehow
time zones suck,i know now

a campari from my dad
hey, it didn't make me mad
i kept them coming, it was good
fun times reavealed as it would

upstairs i went to surf the net
at AP i just wanted to get
most of it, no time i see
order off the net, proposed some glee

mexican food was on the table
as leigh peeled her beer lable
then it came, ugh, fine
it was family game time

monopoly who will win
me, you, no thats a sin
my father, wanna bet
i swear its all been set

i was right down to the wire
we all bowed to the sire
and here i sit with my tea
i'm going to read, with just me
About this Entry
Jan. 6th, 2005 @ 04:58 am random
wanted hazed

want me show me teach me praise me
tell me how and tell me now
how is this real how is this true how are you here
why is it me how are we we

ever since you first bound me i haven't understood
just caught up (entranced) in you and us
it seems too what i wanted
lost in our sea you make me stay afloat

cut loose and fuck it just believe
running from the day (always) returing (in time) for the present
balance it all and maintian the goal
knocking me over i just can't focus

flying breathless making me inhale
learning life, love just let it go
serious parallels the fortune success and freedom
woriking to play to feel alive




lollipop


i can't believe i can't touch the ground
its seems a surreal reality i have found
wanted freedom i can steal
fighting crime is a duo deal

out pass it over here
feelin' you close by me, ever near
finally broken out rockin' it
here i stand, boosted up, i commit

sweeter than the early submission
it came out that my wishin'
the reality can be blinding
but gratefulness, i have been finding
About this Entry
Jan. 6th, 2005 @ 02:46 am oh no not again,...feeling sorrily selfishly
Current Mood: aggravated
Current Music: switchfoot
Lets see how this flow goes
something special, not one of those
home but not home, reunited but torn apart
its all doing a number on my heart

its ssems so hard to face
how can i tackle it with grace
side by side with my goal
the truth of me hidden in my soul

tryin' to get by everyday
i just clench my hands and pray
just to know if it was right
was this target with in my sight

surrounded by warmth here
leaving my family, i fear
feeling guilty wanting to go back
just continue in my personal track

standing heredity dubbing myslef selfish
holding in my mind only one wish
that can never come true, i hate this
i just want my friends, a kiss, my bliss

but then i think of all others
all the suffering and joy of anothrs
i can and do it too
i will and must make it through
About this Entry
Jan. 3rd, 2005 @ 06:19 pm the BIG one
Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: Tegan and Sara---the best
OHHHHHHH here we go. It has been a week since my last confession and in that week i went on an amazing holiday road trip with my family and a personal tour guide, Leigh, who is a friend of the family too. Here is a break down...its long...i suggest heavy skimming is in order, but if you want to be distracted,....go ahead, read the whole friggin' thing....but don't say i didn't warn you!!!!

DAY ONE: well monday. We got up and drove from Windhoek to Walvus Bay through the desert. The scenery was amazing!! And we even hit a dust storm. It was a 4 hr drive. It was hot and we had to stop for "geology 1-0-1" lessons from my dad. But i am used to it now. When we got to Walvus, we went to meet leigh. Her whole family is friends with mine so we were staying there for 2 nights. We had a brie (BR-eye...a massive bbq). Seriously all they eat here is meat. There were 10-15ppl there and there were 2 small salads and the rest was meat on the brie. we ate beef, pork, kudu, boorr-something..and other game. SO GOOD! Before that, we went out to the salt factory look out cabin thing. Its really cool how thy extract salt from the ocean!!! Anyways we went out there to see the pink seas (mass amount of wild flamingos) and to get fresh oysters. A bunch of the pple ate them freh there adn then we took some back to cook before the brie. Good times...my parents we sloshed with everyone else....all i got was a shot...but it was a goodie! I slept in Ryans bed....he has Mr. T puffy stickers on his door....hehehe
DAY TWO: we got up and went sandbording in Swakopmund. Its bascially crazy carpeting on sand, or snowboarding. We did the lay down head first, off huge dune...they are super steep trust me!!!. Man it was intense!!!! On hardboard they send you down..we got up to 80km/hr going down!!!! and you get air and stuff..,.oh the pictures! Well the sucky thing is that it was 4hrs longer than we expected and we ALL got burnt to a crisp....with funny tans cuz we were wearing all this safety gear! Then we went quadbiking, or 4 wheeling, or ATV'ing, whatever you call it in the desert too. We went for an hour...it was amazing. I had never driven one before so that was shifty,..kinda tipy...but i managed. good pics too!!! We then drove back to Walvus and had another big brie....with lots of meat...
DAY THREE: we got up, early agian...shocker! We drove a looooonnnnnnggggg time to Twyflefontien. We saw a couple sights on the way like the Organ Pipes, burnt mountain, and more bleak hot desert. We stopped in a little down...super shifty, for lucnh, but it was good., we all had toaties anyways. Twyfle resort place was really nice...and they had a pool!!! We just hung out at the bar,, then the pool....bar....restaurant...bar....
DAY FOUR: We drove out of the lodge and went to see rock paintings...well they were carved into the rock....it was a 30 min walk. It was really good and I really liked all the animals! A good saunter in the bush. We then drove forever again in heat to Etosha. We stoped and saw the Fingerklip rock (geo father) and a petrified forest (geo father) and we stopped in Outjo for lunch. It was good,...shifty again. But hey everyhwere is shifty. We got to Etosha, which is a big game reserve park place that is huge! We had to drive accross it to reach our lodge that was right outside the gates called Mokuti Lodge. We drove through and saw giraffe, sprinkbok, wildebeast, lion, zebra, jackals etc. We got super close to a male elephant and he started to charg us. Leigh was scared....it was interesting.....hehehe It was really cool! They are soooo close. Mokuti was super nice....we had a cool mosuito net!!! and a good restaurant. and pool.. We just chilled the rest of the night and had a family dinner and then i went ot hte bar with mum and leigh for a while. There were really rude kids there...but thats another story! the bartender was awesome though,,,alll smiles.
DAY FIVE: We got up super early, for 6am. had a breakfast wuickly and went into etosha. We had all run out of film and the digital's battery died,...so no cameras....sucky day. we saw lots of animals that day. Aweome heard of elephants with a newborn...and a crazy teenage male who was chasing brids and stuff. Worthogs---a limping one---, lots of Oryx, springbok, zebra, lions, dik dik- and baby dik dik, baby of lots of other stuff....lots lot lots of giraffe, really close, hyenas (sp), jackles, heartebeast, wildebeast, lots of birds, kudu...etc. etc. We retired in Mokuti for a swim. We went back and forth 2 times...we took a break for lunch... It was new years eve and i was beat. We had a good family dinner and my parents got sloshed. I had a couple drinks, but maintained composure for obvious reasons, and crashed right after new years,,,,whtaever.
DAY SIX: we got up early AGAIN and drove to Roys camp. Our next accomodation...they only safe place. We passed through Tsumeb...a super dogdy place...very unsafe. and thru grootsfontein and then out to roys camp.....very rustic. Basically camping with running water. We all got rashes from the bed bugs in the matress and the bugs,,,,ugh....but it was cool. Oh and the cook took off "unexpectedly" for the holidays so the restaurant was closed and we had no food...and no store.....the lady took pity on us and fed us toasties, and then sorted our a brie pack...it was good. We just lounged the rest of the day by the pool and stuff.
DAY SEVEN: we went to the bushman camp. it was really cool. they show you all the traditional ways they make jewerly and tools and stuff. I really liked it...it was ver personal....adn we bought a whole bunch of real stuff from them too which was amazing. They were really friendly and stuff. We went back after and just hung out. Played cranium...met a really weird guy in the pool....had a kudu for dinner....just chilled.
DAY EIGHT: we got up early again and drove through tsumeb down to the cheetach conservation place. Tsuneb we stopped in to get cameras. It was scary....and there was a take out place called "mary save us" next to a gun and ammunition store. this was a windows up doors locked place...we even had to guys circle the landy....oh mannnn!!!!!! The cheetah place was cool. I have seen cheetahs before, but it was still A+++. we then we on our way to Windhoek...back home. We were supposed to go to the big craft market but it was HC raining there...which was werid, but whatever. Passed a town called OMOROSA....ugh...and the mountains that in heraro translate at the "tits" two peaks side by side....and into Windhoek. We dropped off leigh went home and showered. Ahhhh. Then Ryan flew in so we all went out for dinner. ryan is leugh's brother. I haven't seen him since grd 8. He ragged on me about boys...oh man. We all went to Joes Beer House. and then back home.

okay i am finally tired.... and done peeing...i have been drinking sundowners....what can i say....my fathers influnece.
Well thats the basic run down, and trust me there are sooooo many more stories!!!!!


Well miss you all see you in a weekish

Love Johnny
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Dec. 27th, 2004 @ 09:20 am (no subject)
Current Mood: cynical
Current Music: none
"Oh Sarah you MUST have a hat as we'll be walking throught the desert for hours!"

"I don't really have one that is suitable"

"Oh then you can borrow this one"

oh the ugliest hat i have ever seen in my life, I AM NOT WEARING THAT!

"Oh you know what i forgot, I have this hat here!" oh yeah...my ghetto hat..i have a bucket hat, bit its small!

I believe that someone planned this and that i am going to get mugged

Love Johnny

PS> I am eating roasted chicken doritos in the shape of christmas trees
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Dec. 27th, 2004 @ 12:56 am Gone
Current Mood: dorky
Current Music: Gone by Nsync-- baby one more time (punk cover)
hey there


well we are leaving in a couple of hrs to go up north to walvus Bay, Twiflefontain, and Etosha. I'll be gone for a week. I'm really excited!!! We are doing all this cool stuff like going dune boarding, ATVing in the dessert, Roys camp...i get to follow a bushman around or something??, seeing thousands of flamingos and a whole bunch of wildelife.
I miss you all and hope you all have fun!!! See you all in a couple of weeks,

Johnny
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